Perhaps
by Jarakuheart
Summary: For fifteen years, Izumi and Takamiya have been together. Fifteen long years. Now, at the end of these years, they find themselves in situation like no other, they are out of love. Now, after all these years, can they rekindle their love?
1. Distance

"I think," Takamiya said, looking off into the distance. His eyes rarely finding him now. "That we should spend some time away from here. Just the two of us. I think we need to getaway from all of this and try to remember why we have stayed together for so long."

Izumi looked at him and then at the bookcase filled with so many translations. Fifteen years. Fifteen long years they had been together. Izumi couldn't believe it. Almost half of his life had been spent with this man. And after fifteen long years, there was this gap between them. A deep abyss that couldn't be filled even if all the rocks on Earth were brought to close it up.

"I think your right," Izumi returned. There was no redness in his cheeks. Time had gotten rid of that. Though there was always that embarrassment. And always that struggle. But fifteen years was too many just to call an end to this relationship. They needed a chance. A chance to be able to say, "I love you" again without having to go through the formality of gift giving or sex. It should turn into something that is said when leaving for work or sipping tea, or eating dinner, or just simply saying it in a casual conversation. It should no longer be this forced thing that it has become.

"Where should we go, you pick." Takamiya turned to Izumi. Trying to the make eye contact that he so rarely made.

"Out of this country," Izumi said, his eyes still on the bookcase. "I'm tired of speaking English."

"So you want to go back to Japan?" Takamiya asked, trying to get Izumi to notice that his eyes were staring so intensely at him.

"Japan sounds nice. Let's just travel. Do the tourist thing, you know," Izumi noticed the gaze. He had for while, but he was ignoring it.

"Sounds like a good plan. When do you think you could get vacation days?"

"I don't know. Probably next month. I'll get two weeks. Let's go to Kyoto, too. I want to see my family."

"I don't think your mom likes me anymore," Takamiya said, trying to laugh. But it came out coarse and forced.

"Doesn't change the fact that I want to see them."

Takamiya realized that it was useless trying to get Izumi to look back at him so he returned his gaze back to the computer screen where his latest translation was on its way.

"I'll start making the reservations."

"'K," Izumi walked off. He didn't want to be in there anymore.

But Takamiya's footsteps were soon heard. Izumi turned, looking at the murky brown eyes that used to make his stomach swirl and his lips curl into a smile. Now it only brought a distant stare and an unmoving mouth. "Yeah?" Izumi asked.

Takamiya breathed deeply, as if to say something, then released it as if he all but forgot—or didn't want to tell. He reached out, as if to touch Izumi's face, but paused. He stared at the forming wrinkles and darkening patches on his own hand. Had he really become that old?

"You okay Takamiya? Need something?" Izumi asked, slight concern laced in his voice.

Takamiya snapped out of his trance, "Nothing, I was jus thinking we could stay at Aoe's. We could ride horses; you love doing that. There's camping and fishing. Everything."

"That was a long time ago."

"Does it really make a difference?"

Izumi stared at the floor, looking at the intricate lines the wooden planks made as they flowed towards the white wall. "Yeah…it does."

Izumi pushed passed Takamiya and went to his office, sitting in the chair that almost broke when Takamiya snuck in and handed him a hot cup of tea "just because he looked tired." Then he sat on Izumi's lap "just because he looked lonely." That was the first night Izumi had ever been the one to make love rather than have love made to. He remembered Takamiya's face as he climaxed, the tight clench of his eyes, all muscles in face tense, almost as if in pain, then, pure relaxation and joy. It was the first and only time Izumi saw his face like that. Izumi took Takamiya many more times so that he could see that face again, but it seemed to be a rare event that the Gods bestowed upon him for just that one day.

Izumi stared at the computer screen filled with pictures from the photo shoot the other day that needed to be place in ads. He sighed. When had life become like this? Just sitting at the computer, doing work, getting the paycheck, paying off the mortgage, come home, get a kiss on the cheek before bed, repeat. Every day. Same routine. He wondered if his father's life had become like this, but doubted it since his younger brother, Katsumi, stilled lived in their house. That might add a bit of difference to a routine.

Izumi minimized the photos and went on the Internet; maybe he could find some things to do for their vacation. Mountain climbing (too tough), nice hotel in city (too loud), Aoe's house (…no), Hot springs (sounds…relaxing. Romantic possibly?).

"Takamiya," Izumi shouted louder than he wanted to, gruffer and angrier than the sound he wanted.

Takamiya entered his office, pain in his eyes. Was he in trouble? "Yes?" He asked, his voice weak and passive.

Izumi put on a small smile, "I was looking at some places, and found this. How does going to some hot springs sound?"

Takamiya thought about it. When they were younger, fresh in their relationship, Takamiya always begged Izumi to go to hot springs or bath houses, but Izumi always refused, too embarrassed about being seen as a couple in an open place. And this made Takamiya think, when had Izumi become so bold? When had he become some one who was not afraid to let people know of their relationship? Why now?

"That—that sounds nice," Takamiya said, stumbling over his words.

Izumi broke his small smile and turned it into a grin. Takamiya's stomach swirled; he loved that smile.

"Ok," Izumi said, small bits of glee in his voice. "I'll find a nice one and we can go there."

Takamiya nodded and walked away, he needed a chance to think—his stomach hadn't swirled like that in a long time.

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Hello, k, this is ch.1. Yay! ...I'll try and update this weekly ^^

But yeah, this is a Love Mode Fanfic and if you've never read the manga, it's by Yuki Shimizu and is absolutely amazing. A must read ^^

Well, until next week.


	2. Kick

His original intent was to swallow half a bottle of sleeping pills (well, just two) and sleep for the entire plane ride to Japan, but somehow that just didn't seem right. Because, now, Izumi and Takamiya were stuck in the airport with the plane being two hours late, and Takamiya got onto the conversation of buying new drapes for the kitchen. Drapes for the kitchen. Not the movie they saw the other night where the cars kept exploding and the men were more than attractive. Not the football matches Izumi made Takamiya watch with him, or cars, or anything of importance. No. It was drapes. Peach colored drapes "that would look just fabulous with their cedar cabinets."

So this got Izumi thinking of the sleeping pills that he normally took when flying because he hated heights, pressurized cabins, and screaming babies. Izumi knew that is was going to be a miserable flight because the mother next to him just couldn't seem to get the little one-year old parasite's trap shut. People always asked the two why they never adopted and Takamiya would just reply, "We're not ready." What he didn't tell them was the story of a little girl who kept stepping on Izumi's shoe in a long during a Christmas spree. Izumi then threatened that Santa would no longer bring her presents because she "had been a nasty child who stepped on people's 100shoes." The girl then preceded to cry and clutch her teddy bear tightly all while Izumi to tell the little girl that her parents would no longer love her because parents don't love little girls who don't get presents from Santa. Yes, people asked why they never had adopted. But there was Takamiya talking about a new table that would need to be bought if the put up peach-colored drapes. Izumi's hand twitched, begging to swallow the whole damn bottle that as tucked away in his pocket. No. He was here with Takamiya to rekindle their relationship; he was going to listen to Takamiya talk a bout drapes and tables and every item that caught his interest because he cared, not about the topics, but staying with Takamiya.

Within the hour, the two had boarded the plane and were sitting for the flight to take off. The seat behind Izumi was kicked. Izumi sighed. Great, now he was going to have to sit through this whole flight with a little kid kicking his seat. As if he didn't hate flying enough.

"Hey Izumi," Kick. "It'll be pretty late when we arrive," Kick. "In Kyoto, so we should probably," Kick. "Stay in a hotel and not go to you parents," Kick. "Because I really don't want to wake them up so late at night." Kick.

Izumi, ignoring Takamiya's remark, shot his head around the seat and gave a death glare to the little two-year responsible for kicking his seat. "Look you little bast—"

"Izumi!" Takamiya whispered harshly. "Don't you dare yell at the little kid, and especially don't say _bastard_ in front of him," Takamiya harshly whispered. Bastard. As if the kid could understand Japanese.

Izumi, begrudgingly heeding Takamiya's advice, turned, "Look, don't kick my seat," Izumi crooked his head further to see if any mothers were around. None. "Because if you keep kicking my seat, your mommy won't love you anymore."

The child began to cry.

Izumi turned and sat comfortably in his seat without a kicking child. He could feel the harsh glare of Takamiya on the side of his face. It wasn't Izumi's fault; the kid shouldn't have been kicking in his seat.

Izumi reached into his pocket and pulled out his bottle of sleeping medicine. It was going to be a long flight and he had a feeling that a very unhappy mother would be coming back soon. Besides, Takamiya and he could rekindle their relationship when they got to Japan.

Izumi swallowed two pills.

Three hours later, Takamiya could not have been more irritated, not just because he hated plane rides, or that the child had been moved from behind Izumi's seat to behind his, but by the fact that Izumi took sleeping medicine and gave none to him. Kick. Kick. Kick. Yes, Takamiya was quite irritated indeed.

Kick.

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Hehe, sorry. I know it's been more than a week. But school, work, and getting really sick kind of delayed me. Sorry. The next ch. probably won't be up for a little more than a week because I'm going out of town and own't have my computer with me.


	3. Slap to the Face

The plane had arrived late, and both were jetlagged and haggard. They hardly had the energy to make it to the hotel next to the airport much less the energy to make it to Izumi's parent's house. Izumi was thankful Takamiya had talked him in to the hotel idea, though he knew that in the early hours of the morning he would be getting a frantic phone call from his mother asking where he was and if he was alright. But right now, at this moment, all Izumi could think of was a bath and falling asleep in a big comfy bed.

Takamiya had the same idea. Though for him, having been deprived of the luxury of sleeping pills, he thought that maybe he should just skip the shower and just go straight to bed. His head throbbed and his back was sore from hours of the child's kicking, and all he could hear was Izumi's complaining.

"The plane ride was too long. Why was it delayed? My chair was uncomfortable. The airline food sucked," and Izumi went on like this, angrily complaining about everything.

Takamiya rubbed his head. He had the urge to just ram his head into the wall until Izumi shut up. Stop. He shouldn't be thinking that way. They had come all the way to Japan to rekindle their relationship so he would suck it up and just listen to Izumi's yammering for now. Maybe they would talk about it tomorrow. You know, maybe try to sort some problems out.

The hotel room was smaller than both had imagined, only one bed instead of two. Both had been hoping for two. Izumi, trying to make lemons out of lemonade, continued his griping. The one bed was too small, one may need to sleep on the floor, he wasn't going to share unless the other bathed. This is wrong, that is wrong, this, that, this that, thisthisthisthisthisthatthisthat.

SLAP

Takamiya hadn't meant to do it, his hand just, did it one its own. Izumi instantly shut up, bringing his palm to the deep red mark on his face. Takamiya had never slapped him before. Takamiya's eyes, widened and face went white as Izumi rubbed his hand against the spot Takamiya had hit. He wanted to reach out and hold him, tell him I'm sorry, I love you, I won't do it again.

Takamiya reached out, but Izumi raised his hand in objection.

"Izumi look," Takamiya stuttered.

"No need to explain. I understand it perfectly," Izumi replied calmly while continuing the gentle rubbing of his face.

"No, you don't. Look, I was, I was just—"

"You were just what?!" Izumi shot a hateful glare at Takamiya.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm so so so sorry. You were just complaining and complaining and wouldn't stop. It this then that then this again and again. I couldn't take it!" Takamiya raised his arms up in frustration.

"So you hit me because I was talking? I would have been quiet if you had asked."

"No, that not what I meant—I—I didn't mean to hit you. Well, I did but—but—"

"But?"

"Look. It's complicated. We'll talk about it in the morning," Takamiya turned and began to walk towards the washroom.

"No!" Izumi reached out and grabbed Takamiya's arm before he could walk further. "We'll talk about it now. None of this morning crap. We came here to fix our relationship, and we're going to Goddamn fix it! Now, why did you hit me?"

Takamiya began to worry, Izumi was getting awfully loud and he didn't want the other hotel patrons to complain.

"Izumi," Takamiya said softly, trying to relinquish Izumi's hold on him. "You're getting loud. I don't want the other guests to start complaining."

"Fuck the other guests Takamiya! Let them complain. I don't care. I want you to explain why you hit me." Izumi tightened his hold on Takamiya.

Takamiya winced in pain as Izumi's nails began to dig into him. He tried to struggle out of the hold, loosely moving his arm in some hope that Izumi would let go. It wasn't going to happen.

"Okay, I'll try to explain just—just calm down." Takamiya said, meaningfully looking into Izumi's eyes. Izumi glared. "Come now. Let go of my arm. Then we'll sit down and talk about this, okay? Izumi, just let go of my arm, and we'll settle this whole thing, okay?"

"Okay," Izumi mumbled.

Izumi let go of Takamiya, allowing him to go to the couch in the corner of the room. Takamiya sat, patting the spot next to him for Izumi to come and sit. Izumi obeyed. The two looked at each other for a few moments, an uncomfortable silence creeping between them.

"Look," Takamiya sighed. "I wasn't thinking when I did it. I was annoyed with you. You would barely talk to me before the flight and then, when the plane took off and you took sleeping pills. And you know that little boy who sat behind you, well, his mother moved him to behind me so I had to deal with his kicking the whole flight. Besides, you never asked me if I wanted to take some sleeping medicine as well."

"You wanted sleeping medicine?"

"Izumi, that was an 18 hour flight. I would have gone three weeks without having sex for some!"

Izumi laughed, his hand covering his mouth as his laugh turned into a full-fledged howl.

"What," asked Takamiya, now becoming the one who was slightly annoyed.

Izumi calmed down, still trying to catch his breath as he wiped a tear from his eye. "It's just, haha," Izumi said, "It's just, haha, well, rather than killing for medicine, you would go without sex! Haha!"

"What?"

"Well, it's always sex with you," Izumi laughed one more time and looked Takamiya in the eye. He gently reached out and grabbed Takamiya's hand from his lap. "Now that wasn't so hard now was it?" Izumi asked, gently squeezing Takamiya's hand.

"No," Takamiya squeezed back. "It wasn't."

The two sat there for a moment. A soft silence coming between them, though not awkward like before. Izumi leaned over and rested his head against his head against Takamiya's shoulder. Pressing his nose against Takamiya's arm, he inhaled deeply.

"Bleh," Izumi gagged, removing his head from Takamiya's shoulder. "You stink. Go take a shower."

Takamiya laughed and stood up. "Join me," He said, reaching his hand out towards Izumi.

"You have got to be kidding me you pervert! I'm not going to take a shower with you," Izumi shouted quietly, his face turning a full shade of red.

"Come now, it'll be fun."

"No, go take your shower. I'll go after you."

Takamiya turned, pretending to be hurt, but tossed Izumi a playful smile as he entered the shower room. Izumi winked back at him and went to turn on the television.

xxx

From behind the shower room door, Takamiya could hear muffled sounds of the television. He ran his hands through his hair as he sunk further into the warm water. They were back in Japan. Tomorrow, they would see his family and two days after that, they would head up to an Onsen in the mountains.

Takamiya sighed. Rekindle their relationship? How could he? How could they?

How could he look Izumi and tell Izumi the reason for his distance…

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K, so sorry about the really long time between updates. I lost inspiration for the story for a little while, but finally got it back.

I've started reading the Hite Report on Male Sexuality (which you should all read), and it's definitely changed my views on how I want this story to play out. Since Love Mode was all about trying to be real. Ok, so maybe Arabian princes, kidnappings at a Jewelry store, and really rich guys who seem corrupt and mean, but are really just a big teddy aren't that real, but the feelings of the relationships and how they were played out tried to be as real as possible. I'm going to play this story a little more real than I originally was, which I hope is a good thing.

I'll try to have a new ch. out next week ^_^


	4. Morning Makeup

Izumi was fast asleep by the time Takamiya came out from the shower. He quietly made his way over to the bed and slipped beneath the covers. Izumi grumbled as the bed moved beneath Takamiya's weight. Takamiya paused in his movements, making sure that Izumi was still asleep. Though he was happy that they had sorted through their problem earlier, Takamiya had no urge for Izumi to awake because of Takamiya's movements and then have to go through a whole other "conversation."

Izumi stopped grumbling, and Takamiya continued his slow slide beneath the covers. He reached out to wrap his arm around Izumi's slender waist, and gently pulled the man close to his body. Izumi grumbled. Takamiya froze. Izumi let out a soft snore. Takamiya sighed. Takamiya rested his head next to Izumi's, burying his nose deeply within his hair but immediately regretted the decision. Izumi needed a shower. Takamiya moved his head back slightly, and rested his head on his pillow. Izumi shifted against him, nearly pushing Takamiya off of the bed. Takamiya chuckled to himself. Maybe Izumi was right, the bed small, and maybe it would have been better if one of them had slept on the floor.

Takamiya could feel Izumi's warmth so tender against him. He sighed. No. It wouldn't have been better if one of them had slept on the floor. He needed this warmth.

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The loud and incessant ringing of Izumi's cell phone awoke both of them in the morning. Izumi, shocked by the sudden loudness of his phone, jumped, accidently pushing the translator behind him out of the bed. Takamiya landed on the floor with a loud thump and a howl, as the man clutched his elbow.

"Are you alright?" Izumi leaned over the bed, and concernedly looked at the larger man.

"I'm fine," Takamiya winced. "Just hit my funny bone on the bed stand."

Izumi nodded and got up to answer his phone.

"Izumi, where are you? Are you alright?" Shouted the loud and concerned voice of his mother. "When are you going to get here? Was the plane delayed? Have you—"

"Mom," Izumi cut her off. "We're fine. The flight was delayed last night and we got in really late. We stayed at a hotel near the airport. We'll be over in an hour or two, okay?"

"Okay," Izumi's mother sighed in relief. "I was so worried. You were supposed to be here last night and then you didn't come or even call. I thought your plane had crashed or something. You can never trust those planes you. They crash all the time."

"Mom, we're fine. We'll be over there in a little. We just need to get changed and take a shower."

"You're not going to have sex are you?"

"MOM!"

"Honestly Izumi, I really wish you'd stop with this 'homosexual' phase. It's gone on far too long. It's just not healthy. You need to get married to a nice young girl and give us some grandchildren. I mean, honestly Izumi—"

"I'm going to hang up now mom."

"Izumi wait—"

Izumi hung up his phone.

By this time, Takamiya had lifted himself off the floor and proceeded to dust himself off. As he brushed back his hair with his fingers, he felt a hand on his arm. He looked down to see Izumi giving him _that_ smile.

"What?" Takamiya asked, placing his hand over Izumi's.

"I could go for a round of make-up sex. How 'bout you?" Izumi smirked.

Takamiya returned the smile and bent down, giving Izumi a smoldering kiss before pushing him roughly on the bed.

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Izumi came out of the shower, running a towel through his hair and let out a large and relaxed sigh. Takamiya still laid on the bed, his eyes half lidded in the lingering pleasure. Izumi crawled on top of him and placed a gentle kiss on the older man's lips.

Takamiya smiled and returned Izumi's kiss, roughly grabbing Izumi's behind. Izumi hissed in pain.

"What is with you this morning?" Takamiya asked as his continued to give Izumi's a rump a nice little massage.

"Nothing, can't I—Nn—have a little fun every once in a while. 'Sides, we were so tired last night, we didn't make-up," Izumi leaned forward for another kiss.

Takamiya moaned as Izumi bent downwards, gently playing with the translator's nipples between his teeth and tongue.

"This doesn't have to do with you mother, does it?" Takamiya asked while running his fingers through Izumi's soft and wet hair.

Izumi raised his head from Takamiya's chest and gave him a playful smirk. "And so what if it does? A little revenge never hurt anyone."

"She set you up for another omiai again, didn't she?"

"She didn't say that."

"Then what did she say to make you react like this?"

"What, are you complaining?"

"No," Takamiya gave Izumi's butt another appreciative squeeze. "I just want to know why you're so riled up. Is that too much to ask for?"

Izumi laughed, moving his head back down to Takamiya's chest so he could continue his play.

"No, it's not too much," he said as he playfully licked at Takamiya's hardened nipple. "She just said I needed to move out of my 'homosexual' phase and give her and dad some grandchildren."

Takamiya moaned quietly as Izumi nibbled Takamiya's nipple between his teeth. "What about adoption? We can give her grandkids that way."

Izumi stopped his play, "Are you serious? We haven't even fixed our problems and you're already talking about kids. Besides. I can't stand children. Little, slimy brats that poop and vomit every."

"I was just saying—," Takamiya reached his hand up and laced it through Izumi's hair, trying to pull his head back down to his chest.

Izumi pulled his head back and angrily removed himself from Takamiya, "Who said you were getting round two?"

Takamiya groaned in frustration and got up from bed. He walked up behind Izumi who was getting dressed in that day's outfit and kissed him on the neck.

"You're breaking my heart," Takamiya said playfully and placed another kiss on the man's neck.

Izumi turned and shot him the death glare, "Take a shower and get ready. If we take any longer mom will think we really were having sex."

"But love, she already knows."

Izumi continued his glare, and Takamiya sheepishly went into the shower room and washed off the morning's sweat.

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Yay, got this one out pretty quick. Sorry if it's a little short though. Yeah, tried to give a little "sex" scene without going over the T rating so sorry if I disappointed any of you all with that.

Ok, well, I'm going to try and have the next ch. out next week. Izumi and Takamiya will be going to Izumi's parents' house. Hilarity ensues (hopefully).

See you then!


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